Speaking of Anger...

So the last post, I talked about anger. I just went out and said that I have had quite a few times where I get frustrated and sometimes angry. So... I found a really great book and I want to share it with everyone. It is called She's Gonna Blow! by Julie Ann Barnhil. It is about moms who deal with anger issues. Now, I have to say that sounds bad. Anger? At your child(ren)? Well, to those of us strong enough to admit our shortcomings, we are not perfect. Not as humans, spouses, OR moms. Not all moms deal with anger, I guess, but all the moms I have ever talked to have had a moment or two of frustration and/or anger.

This book has been really great for me to be able to identify the triggers of my anger and get it under control before it is too late.  She calls the triggers 'earthquakes,' and the blowups 'volcanoes.' There are probing questions in the book that get you to thinking what it is that triggers your anger, and it is usually a multitude of things that just build up over time, for most moms, including myself. Since I have started reading this book, in my day to day life I can say to myself, "there was an earthquake, just don't let it turn into a volcano." In other words, this book has allowed me to get the little things under control before I get too angry. I highly recommend this book to other moms! She is a really great author, of many other great books too, and she is endorsed by MOPS, a christian mothers group (which is really great). I am very glad that I found it and that I can pass it on!

Anger, Frustration, and Trying to Let it All GO

So I really should have been a red head. I, at times, can have a very hot temper-- I have always been easily frustrated as well. They are related-- I get frustrated and the only way I can express it is anger. In my younger years, my math book usually brought out the worst in me. Who knew I would grow up to love math? Wierd, huh? Oh well.To get back to my point, however, I never realized how angry I could get until I had a hot-tempered daughter! She is like me in many ways... easily frustrated and angered, and she lets the whole world know about it. Now, I hope that I am correct in saying that she is far worse than I am, especially given that she has ANOTHER molar coming in.... Anyway, if you add her frustration and anger to my frustration and resulting anger, you get a frustrated and angry mommy and baby, to put it simply.

There are a lot of things going on in my life right now; pretty much all of them are out of my control. So the answer? I know what it is; I just need to let go. Easier said than done. I am not a control freak in any way, but I am a little OCD with wanting to have things go smoothly and stay nice, pretty, and un-messy. So, I ordered a couple of books that will hopefully let me get things in perspective, and 'go with the flow.' I know I am not the only mom dealing with frustration with my child, and I know it won't resolve itself. That's why I am going to try and work on being more patient and reigning in my emotions. I owe it to myself, Caylen, and any future children I might have, and there is no time like the present!

Caylen's Evaluation Pt. 2

Today was the big day. At 1 PM, Caylen had her pre-screening for Babies Can't Wait. Caylen did really well and the lady was really nice, but things went as I had feared they would. She was concerned that Caylen was not standing yet, as well as her expressive language.

As far as her language goes, I don't think there really is a problem, but she has said like 30 words that just pop up and then go away. Is that normal? She says a lot and mimics a lot, but it is very sporadic and inconsistent. She says about 3 words consistently, mumum, dada, and bye bye. She says many, many more words than that, but more inconsistently. She has said cat, dog, book, ball, more, all done, no, etc. but most of those are on the sometimes, once in a blue moon, word list. Others she has said were on the 1 word wonder list that never seems to reappear. Is that normal?

See, I don't know. This is my first child. Is any child normal? I don't know. I don't have much experience with babies and toddlers, but I just want to do what is best for her. If she has a delay, I want her to catch up. If she has something more, I want her to get the best help she can. I know there are a lot of other moms out there who have told me that they have experienced the same delay either with themselves or their own children. Thank God for those great women because I think I might be a total basket case now if it weren't for them!

I am a realist myself, but when it is something so touchy and potentially horrid as something being wrong with your child, it helps to know that it could turn out okay. The lady that came today didn't seem to think there were any signs of autism, nor do I, but there are a million other things that it could be. Granted, autism is one of the scariest so I am relieved, but I still just don't know what could be causing her delay. She is, more than likely I hope, just fine. She is just probably taking her time on hitting her gross motor milestones and enjoying watching me squirm while she's at it. I just am so stressed about it, thinking I might have caused this, or what could I have done better? I don't know, but I will continue to update on her status. She will probably be screened for Babies Can't Wait in a couple weeks and we will go from there!

Caylen's Evaluation

Well, today we were supposed to have Caylen evaluated by Children 1st but our appointment was canceled due to the evaluator's child being sick. We rescheduled for Monday at 1. So, I figured I would take this time, which would have been during her appointment to talk about why she is being evaluated and to get all that stuff out. Caylen is 15 months, but will be 16 on the 16th of this month. She is still not walking, and we are getting her checked out. Her language and everything else seems to be great at times, but she is so inconsistent that we are not sure if we need to be worried or not. She calls everyone 'dada' and has just recently been referring to me as 'mumum.' She has said a million words once, but she only says 2 to 4 consistently. She will say new words every day but she doesn't repeat them often. Or, she will say a new word and it won't show up again for a month or more. Is this normal? I don't think she has a specific disability such as autism or CP at all, but I wonder if she is a little delayed, and why? She has always been a 'high needs' baby but I don't know if that has anything to do with it. I know there is a lot going on in her head, I can tell, and she is very able to do things fine motor wise and most gross motor abilities, but I am wondering if there is perhaps a processing problem somewhere, if anything. Maybe that is why she is easily frustrated as well. I am easily frustrated too, so maybe she just gets it from me, as well as stubborn, so maybe she just hasn't made her mind up to walk yet. I am also quiet and 90% of what goes on in my head stays there, but I don't want to assume she is the same way. It is just really hard to come to the realization that there could be something wrong with your child; all those dreams and hopes you had for this child when you were pregnant might all be completely different from what you had imagined. Like I said though, I don't think it is anything serious or even moderate, but if she even has a mild disability I want to know about it as early as I can, so I can begin to help her! I ask that you please pray for us during this difficult time, as it might be a long process before we know anything.

It's One of Those Weeks!

So this week, and it is only Wednesday, has been turning out to be one of those awful, push-you-to-the-limit kind of weeks. I haven't had one this bad since before Caylen turned one. I guess I am blessed that they have decreased in frequency since her 1st birthday, but it never makes it any easier. It is one of those weeks you feel ashamed to call your self a mother because aren't mothers supposed to embrace patience and kindness?? Well, not this week-- my patience has been running out by 9 AM! Caylen is constantly crying, fussing, pulling on my leg, wanting me to lift her up, put her down, lift her up, etc. The best word I can think of to use for her is intolerable. I know it sounds awful, but it really is the truth. She isn't the most easygoing baby in the world, not even close, but probably closer to one of the most ill-tempered children I have met. She probably gets that from me, sadly. I am not ill-tempered most of the time, but when something makes me snap, it is hard for me to cool down. She brings that out in me a lot, unfortunately, but I think it may just be a test for me to learn how to control my own temper. I hope....
If not, then it is probably that untimely, huge molar sprouting from the back of her mouth. The kid didn't have a tooth in her head until she was 11 months, but now 6 months later she has 6 front teeth and a molar. Jeez! I know teething must be terrible and painful and all, but she has had a total personality change while sprouting a few of her teeth!
I can remember the last time she has had an awful terrible week like this... It was soon after we moved back to Dahlonega from Texas. She was 10 months old, and refused to take any naps. At all! I thought I was going to lose my mind. Here she was, previously taking at least 2 naps a day, on a regular schedule, and then she went to not wanting to sleep at all, unless she was attached to my boob. Thank goodness those days are over... I loved nursing but MAN she was a total boob addict. I had to do a cold turkey detox at 12 months on her to just keep her from ripping my shirt off every 2 hours. Just kidding, kinda... But anyway, I guess what I am trying to get to is that she goes through these stages, and they don't last forever. The last one lasted for 2 months, but I'll be durned if this one goes on for that long....!

I totally don't want to sound like a complainer, I am really not one I promise, but isn't that what a blog is for? Well, kinda I guess. I really do love Caylen of course, no question, but I think that moms in general come to face times with their children where they just want to go hide in a quiet, dark hole for a few days and come back. I guess that is just the feeling for this week, and I know I am posting it on the internet and that could potentially cause a lot of people to think I am a whiner, or a bad mother, but typing is so much easier than writing in a journal! I do however feel that other moms out there could identify with this, and perhaps it will make them feel better to know that they are not the only ones who are human. :)