Being Thankful

So since I found out that I didn't get the job, I have actually been quite well. Yes, it was pretty harsh to hear that I wasn't chosen because there is someone better than me (who would have thought??) but really, I am over it. I totally blew the interview too... I said lots of "ums" and "uhs" and I just really did such an awful job it is almost comical! I may not wholeheartedly laugh about it now, but I am suuurrre I will-- later down the road...

But anyway, onto more important subjects... I have realized that being a stay at home mom really is what I want to do, and where I want to be anyway. The grass is always greener on the other side, right? Yeah, 'um,' no. I tend to think that though, yet when I get to the other side, I wonder why I was ever even interested in that grass anyway. So, today I tried to put myself in the shoes of the Allison that did well at the interview and got the job. She would be putting her daughter into daycare full time, while driving an hour each way to work, getting there at 7:30 AM sharp!! She would also be trying to juggle finding a place to live in Blairsville so she would be closer to work, but would still have to endure the drive until she could move. It would be hectic and I would be working my tail off to get just the minimal done around the house such as vacuuming, dishes, making beds, cleaning toddler mess, etc. (I have grown to be very accustomed to an OCD home. I liiike it). It would be hard to get all of that done; in fact, almost impossible!

So, as I watch the DIY channel, drooling over granite countertops and stainless steel appliances, all which would have been included in the home that would have been bought with 2x our current salary, I think of what the alternate universe Allison would be thinking a few months into the job. I came up with this: "Hmm this nice house with all the amenities and plenty of room is totally nice, but how can I enjoy it when I am only here a couple hours a day? And, those hours are spent running around, trying to get everything done instead of spending time with my family." Then, I would watch the Sprout channel and reminisce of the days I stayed at home with my baby, when I spent all my time with her; although some of that time was stressful, it was completely priceless. I then wonder what it would be like to be back on the other side once again, where the grass was obviously greener.

I figured I would just save myself the trouble and stay where I am: on the side that always has green grass-- I just don't tend to look at it enough!

Well I Guess It Is Gonna Be.....Staying At Home

Well, I haven't written in a while because of many reasons: the holidays, lack of interesting happenings, and waiting on an important job interview.

Well, the holidays are over and my life is back to normal, pretty much anyway and that's not necessarily a good thing. I had the job interview last Wednesday and I totally sucked at it. I felt really sick and I just wasn't my usual impressive self, I guess (HA). So I found out today whether or not I got it and well I didn't. So yeah I guess God is just telling me that I am doing such a great job at being a stay at home mom that he doesn't want a career change for me. And, I guess He is probably saying that He will still be providing for us even though He didn't provide a job. It's definitely not that I don't like being a stay at home mom, but sometimes I feel like Caylen needs more time with other kiddos and that I need some time to myself. However, God apparently didn't see it that way. From the beginning, I put this in God's hands-- whether or not I got the job. I wanted whatever happened to be in His will because I have lived life before out of His will and it is not so fun. At all. So, I guess God has just handled it the way it should be handled and I am happy about that but I won't lie, it stings a little. I mean, I feel pretty useless and incompetent because I didn't get this job. The job that I do have doesn't have a hiring and firing system, thankfully, or I would be screwed. Caylen thankfully doesn't know any better and I hope it stays that way! :) I am very happy and relieved though overall because I felt that God was pushing me in a direction I wasn't ready to delve into yet-- the workforce. I like getting up on Caylen's time and staying in my pajamas until she goes down for her first nap, then jumping into the shower (my daily spa time) and being able to have the house clean all the time. I also feel that at my part time job, the Funeral Home working for my parents, (I take Caylen of course)I am useful and an asset. I just need to convince my dad of that. So overall, I feel that things definitely worked out the way they were supposed to although there is a definite slam to the ego.

Really, when I think about it, I am a little sad and hurt about not getting the job. But, when I think about the sadness of having to put Caylen in daycare after 15 months of being with her all day every day, that would be much more permanent and can't be restored like my ego can. I am, however, done searching for a job-- I got the message clearly and if I am meant to have a job, it can fall out of the flippin' sky into my lap. Then I will know that it was meant to be.

Stay at Home or Work? Hmm..

Well, I have been a stay at home mom since I basically found out I was pregnant with Caylen. I always wanted to be a stay at home mom and be the one who takes care of all the home matters, like cleaning, paying bills, grocery shopping, cooking, etc. Caylen is now 14 months old, and she is a really great child and I have loved being able to stay at home with her, but it seems like now that she is older, she needs some more interaction with other children. She is in the church nursery every Sunday, and she loves it, but really that is the only interaction she has with other children. Where we live, there is no Gymboree or Kindermusik that she can go to, nor are there any organized 'mom' groups that we can go on organized playdates with. To add to this, I don't have many friends that live in Dahlonega that have children for her to play with even! I would usually be able to find friends at church or other activities, but we don't even spend much time in Dahlonega anyway. We technically live in Dahlonega, but we spend our social time in Blairsville, since that is where Brandon works and where our family lives. The only reason for us to go into Dahlonega is when I need to go to Walmart or some other store that is close by. So, it is sort of hard to technically live in one place, but spend all of our time in another place that's 45 minutes away!

So, to get to the main point of this entry, I have been thinking about getting a job. To add to the dilemma above, we have had a hard time getting health insurance after Brandon left the military-- he doesn't get it at work either. To get individual health insurance is very expensive for the premium, and then they don't even pay much when you actually do go to the Dr. So, we ended up paying out $250 a month, and then we either avoid going to the dr. at all costs, or we go and pay half the dr. bill, which less than our monthly premium! So, having a degree in teaching, which provides great state benefits including insurance, I have been thinking about going back to teaching.

On top of the health insurance issue, is of course the above stated problem of Caylen not getting enough social interaction. Caylen is very social, and she absolutely loves to be around other kids and to play in a group. I however don't have the financial ability to put her in daycare a few hours a week even. The dilemma is, however, to either stay at home with her all day, and while we would be able to maintain a spotless home and flexibility in my schedule, we are on a budget. There is nothing wrong with being on a budget of course, I think it is a good idea for everyone, but combine that with the issue of Caylen's lack of social interaction, our lack of insurance, and my lack of being able to pursue a career of my own, and it makes getting a job look pretty promising.

Of course there is the issue of me missing Caylen. It would be awfully hard to go from spending every hour of every day with her to a few hours a day and weekends, along with teacher holidays, with her. I know many parents have it worse, as in they work longer hours throughout the entire year, but knowing that it is a choice on my part to take on a full time job, there is a potential of having a huge amount of guilt. So, I am obviously very torn between a better, more comfortable income and Caylen getting more social interaction, and leaving her for 8 hours a day, and not being able to maintain our home as efficiently.

The reason I am thinking all of this through so much, and really just thinking 'out loud' on my blog is so I can hopefully problem solve my way through all this. I have a job interview in January and I am very excited about it, but I keep going back and forth in my head about which choice would be the best for my family. I just want to do what will be the healthiest for my family, and what would make us the happiest. I do not want to do this just for the money, but sometimes having more money can help a family out a lot and relieve some of the stress that financial burdens can bring. I have been praying about this constantly and just asking God that He will make happen what needs to happen. I only want to do what He wants me to do, and to follow the plan He has for our family. Please pray for us during this transition, as there is a potential for many changes and unknowns in our future.

All About My Caylen

So I haven't dedicated an entire post in a while to just Caylen so I figured I would. She hasn't gone through any major changes so I haven't felt the need to write about her, but I have realized that she really has changed a lot since I wrote about her last. So, She now has 5 teeth, and that means that she has had all of them come in within a matter of about 2 months. She hasn't really had too hard of a time, considering she is just constantly getting them in. She now has two on the bottom, in the middle, and three on the top, the two middle and one to her left side. They have came in sort of out of what I would consider 'order' or how they are expected to come in. She got the two in the bottom first, which is normal, but then she got one on the top middle, and then the other top middle and the one to her left at the same time. She looks like she is going to get the top right one in soon now because she has a lump there that she won't let me touch; er, if I touch it I get bitten..... haha Oh and speaking of biting, she loves to give me 'love bites' and I love it! Sometimes they hurt, but most of the time they just tickle and we both get to laughing really hard!
She is really such a good baby, almost toddler; I am really blessed to have such a good little girl. She was not such an easy newborn and younger infant however, and because of that I get queasy at the thought of having another one, on top of having her! I have heard a lot of people say that their babies were easy but once they hit the 1 year mark, they threw fits and tantrums and were less easy going. She is just the opposite though! Since she has hit a year, she has been so easy going and wonderful-- just a joy! She goes to sleep for naps and at night with me just holding her and talking to her. Sometimes she just wants me to put her down in her crib and pat her back and sing to her! I never even dreamed that a baby would go to sleep that easy at all! I mean, when you're pregnant you wish for such things but you never really think it will really happen. Especially to the baby that screamed like a wild animal when being put down in her crib to sleep! I was afraid that she would be a very clingy and high maintenance child like she was when she was a younger infant, but she really has become quite independent! She likes to have her own play time to herself and she will just entertain herself for quite a while! I am so lucky to have such a beautiful, wonderful little girl-- I just had to brag on her!

New Washer, Dryer, and Highchair!

So we got our new washer and dryer in today, finally; they delayed the delivery a few days so my laundry was piled up pretty high! I just finished my first load in them and they work unbelievably well! Some of Caylen's clothes that our old washer couldn't get the stains out of in 3 washes, this one did it in one!! I am so incredibly pleased I can't describe it! I thought I was going to have to throw away some of her shirts that she had soiled... But now they are good as new! When the guy came to install them for us my jaw was dropped just looking at them, they are so pretty and so fancy! I couldn't fathom that a washer and dryer could even be that high tech! It is digital and it has these beeping sounds when you choose the cycle and it has a little chime when the cycle is done. I am so grateful that I am able to have such nice things; I had no idea I would ever be able to have such a nice appliance. So I would, not surprisingly, give them both a 5 star rating!

The highchair of Caylen's is really good too. We have had it about a week and we still love it. She is almost too big for the tray, but we figured that she might be. We aren't too worried about her not getting enough use out of it either because we will definitely be using it with the next one!

I Know, It's Been Forever.....

So I know it has been a long time since I blogged last and it's not like I haven't thought about it, but there really hasn't been anything worth writing about. Or, we have been too busy to write about it. So I guess I will write about the newest exciting thing that has happened. We got Caylen a new highchair, or booster actually, for "Christmas" and we got it in yesterday. We decided to put it up and use it anyway since she won't know the difference and we kinda need it, since our dining room is fairly small and we wanted something that could grow with her. It is a Fisher Price Space Saver highchair, eh booster, and it is so far really great! It is easier to clean and it takes up much less space. We are keeping our old one, though, because you never know, we might need it one day when we have more kiddos!

Another thing to be excited about is my "Christmas," and probably birthday too, present(s)! So here's the story: our washer has been doing okay, I mean for a 20 year old refurbished model, but once we moved here, the movers dropped it and we decided not to claim it because it would have come out of the driver's pocket, and it wasn't his fault, and he was really nice, and he has a little girl about Caylen's age as well. It's not like it was worth much in the first place. We bought it almost 5 years ago for about $100. It has served us well, but like I said, after the movers dropped it, it hasn't been the same, and it has been getting worse. If Caylen gets a stain on her clothes, I might as well throw it out with the trash because it is not coming out in this machine! When I wash our clothes it looks like I have just run it through the faucet and dried it! So.... obviously I am getting a new washer and dryer! It is an LG 2101 washer and matching dryer. I am so excited! Our dryer has been ok, except for Brandon leaving gum and pens in his pocket and making a huge mess in the drum.... It is just a basic dryer but we are going to hold on to it anyway in case someone we know needs it. I can't wait to use them after they are delivered on Saturday! Yay!

Weaning!

So, I know I just said like 2 posts ago that I didn't think weaning was in our near future, but it has actually happened! This past Friday I felt that we were ready to wean. I was really planning, and hoping, to make it to the 15-18 month window of weaning, but I have been noticing lately that Caylen has been showing signs of being ready to wean. And, her having 3 teeth can be very painful since she only nursed for comfort for the past month or two. For instance, if she decided she was done, she would just chomp down and yeah, like I know that is a way of communicating to me you are done, but I am definitely not a fan of it! So, on Friday I decided to wean her and since we only do 2-3 feedings a day, just for sleeping purposes, I just decided to drop it all at once. (And for those who are wondering, particularly my fellow nursing friends, I had no engorgement!)I knew that when the time was right to wean for us, I would just know it was time, and it would go smoothly. Well, it has! When I just get a hunch that it is the right time to do something, and when I act on that feeling, it almost always turns out well. It is much like the time I decided that Caylen was going to sleep in her room in her crib. I just woke up one morning, literally, and decided I was going to dismantle the crib so I could move it 10 feet into the next room. I just knew it was time for her to sleep in her own bed, in her own room. For those who don't know, I love personality typing and I am an INTJ, and the "N" is for intuitive, which is the only way I can explain these 'hunches' I get.

Well, she has done so great with it and I am so proud of her! She is actually going to sleep better and is less fussy. Who woulda thunk it? I can't explain why, but for some reason she is a much less fussy baby! This was a huge part of my and Caylen's life, and to see it ending is kinda sad, but to know that my little girl is getting independent and growing up makes me very proud!