Well I Guess It Is Gonna Be.....Staying At Home

Well, I haven't written in a while because of many reasons: the holidays, lack of interesting happenings, and waiting on an important job interview.

Well, the holidays are over and my life is back to normal, pretty much anyway and that's not necessarily a good thing. I had the job interview last Wednesday and I totally sucked at it. I felt really sick and I just wasn't my usual impressive self, I guess (HA). So I found out today whether or not I got it and well I didn't. So yeah I guess God is just telling me that I am doing such a great job at being a stay at home mom that he doesn't want a career change for me. And, I guess He is probably saying that He will still be providing for us even though He didn't provide a job. It's definitely not that I don't like being a stay at home mom, but sometimes I feel like Caylen needs more time with other kiddos and that I need some time to myself. However, God apparently didn't see it that way. From the beginning, I put this in God's hands-- whether or not I got the job. I wanted whatever happened to be in His will because I have lived life before out of His will and it is not so fun. At all. So, I guess God has just handled it the way it should be handled and I am happy about that but I won't lie, it stings a little. I mean, I feel pretty useless and incompetent because I didn't get this job. The job that I do have doesn't have a hiring and firing system, thankfully, or I would be screwed. Caylen thankfully doesn't know any better and I hope it stays that way! :) I am very happy and relieved though overall because I felt that God was pushing me in a direction I wasn't ready to delve into yet-- the workforce. I like getting up on Caylen's time and staying in my pajamas until she goes down for her first nap, then jumping into the shower (my daily spa time) and being able to have the house clean all the time. I also feel that at my part time job, the Funeral Home working for my parents, (I take Caylen of course)I am useful and an asset. I just need to convince my dad of that. So overall, I feel that things definitely worked out the way they were supposed to although there is a definite slam to the ego.

Really, when I think about it, I am a little sad and hurt about not getting the job. But, when I think about the sadness of having to put Caylen in daycare after 15 months of being with her all day every day, that would be much more permanent and can't be restored like my ego can. I am, however, done searching for a job-- I got the message clearly and if I am meant to have a job, it can fall out of the flippin' sky into my lap. Then I will know that it was meant to be.