Magical. That is the best word I can think of when I think of becoming, and being, a mommy. When you first find out you're pregnant, it just seems unreal. It did to me. Yes, they told me that the blood test showed positive. Sometimes I caught myself thinking, "Nah, I can't be pregnant. I don't feel like it. How can I have a baby in there?"
Then, a few months go by and you start feeling movement. That 'magical' feeling comes back. Wow! It is amazing, isn't it?
Then, a few more months go by, and yes, you are definitely pregnant. You don't even have to look at yourself to know it-- the swelling, aching, and hugeness of it all doesn't let you forget. That magical feeling of kicks and stretching of skin, organs, and ribs is getting a little tiring. And, you can't wait to get your arms around that little bundle. This is a sweet time, though, remember. This is an exciting time that is hard for people like me with no patience to wait.
Then, the moment you have been waiting for. The moment you have looked to, off in the distance as if it were some unattainable goal, since you got those 2 lines. Well, I never got 2. I had 6 negative HPT's...
Anyway.... you thought about this day, people asked you about this day, told you it would hurt (duh), and you have dreamed about this day. The day your child is born. A day that is unlike any other; they day your life is forever changed. The day you meet your child. The pain, oh the terrible pain that comes with it is absolutely no match for what you are about to witness-- the moment you actually get to see, with your eyes, the child that has been living inside you for all this time, that you feel like you already know, and have already seen with your heart. (Sorry about the cheesiness, it's just true). It was like time stopped, for me. It was an amazing day. I look back at that day and have to remind myself that I met Caylen on that day. I feel like she has been here all along, and that there was no 'first meeting.' I feel like I have known her my entire life. I can still look back, years ago, and think "was Caylen born yet?' Well, of course not, she is only 20 months old, but I feel like she has always been here! I feel like she was always a part of me.
Anyway, back to chronological order.... Fast forward a few months through the sleepless days and nights, trying to figure out how to be a mother, and then you are here. Where I am. Looking back, thinking, "Wasn't I just there? In that hospital bed with the IV and swaddled newborn?" It just goes that fast. The way I felt then, besides the lack of sleep, food, alone-time, was what I thought was the best feeling ever. Also, the worst. The fear of doing everything wrong, the fear of failing. I was afraid it was always going to be that way. Nervous, anxious, scared. However, let me tell you, and many of you may be able to relate to me on this, it gets so much better. The crying, the anxiousness, nervousness, fear and anxiety all get better. For both of you. hehe Yep I was one who cried right along with my milk-sensitivity baby. Back to the subject though, it gets so much better-- even for those who think they have it great. All the love, joy, and pride you have in this baby only grows and you only become closer to this little one, and it only seems more impossible, as each day goes by, to live life without them.
Motherhood is such a wonderful experience, and I think it is fantastic to see all of these other women I know entering into such a wonderful time. After Caylen was born, the 'magical' term evolved into a whole new meaning. I watched as my 5 lb. 15 oz teeny tiny baby grew into a talking, walking, eating machine. And boy does it go fast! I am still amazed, daily, that she is such a big girl now, and the new things she does everyday just keep me in awe. So what I am meaning to say is, as far as the 'magical' part goes, as well as the love you feel in the beginning, it only grows!
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